Helloooo,

I hope are you doing good. Even if you are not, you can always change that by doing something you love.

The other day I wrote message on my Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/eagle_sky3/ and I have deleted it. Then decided to write in here.

I’m going through a lot of changes right now and I need a break.

But before that, I wanted to say, that I need to openly confirm, that I was traumatised. I have experienced big trauma and now having a help of psychologist to finally resolve that.

My trauma started from childhood the way my mom abused me, later it was an environment I lived in, which was abusive, I then moved out while being 22 years old and got myself in a relationship with an abusive partner. For 27 years I lived in an abuse and I didn’t know anything else but abuse.

From this year I said to myself that I had enough.

First step, which is probably the most difficult is to acknowledge that I was abused. To be honest, I didn’t realise I was traumatised so much… It’s awful. It is also awful to admit that I was never able to actually be myself, to love myself and to feel safe.

So what I wrote on Instagram post? Underneath picture of myself:

This girl here pretended not to be hurt while in next room her ex-partner was chilling and chatting with his new supply. She was fragile, damaged, she allowed others to disrespect her, she put others above herself, she cried long nights and days.. She was confused, tired and disappointed. Negative, sad, anxious and her light was disappearing. She almost let him to destroy her. Not only he tried to destroy her. Her own family tried it. Her environment. She grew up in abuse, therefore, she didn’t know anything else but abuse. She attracted it unconsciously as that is what she was used to. She thought abuse is a norm. She was unloved. She was alone. She was never safe. In reality nobody actually knew her. She was pretending all those years that she is fine, she is happy, she is positive. She knew that others suffer too and that her pain didn’t matter.
However, she was strong. She managed to live through all of it. Now it is time to say goodbye. Now it is time to say thank you for this experience. Now it is time to leave this girl in the past. Now it is time to actually change. Her story is over. She finally said no to abuse. She finally stood up for herself. ❤️❤️❤️

I am having a break, so I might not write as often, or might not write at all. I have a lot of years of programming to heal and it will take me some time to actually finally become who I really am.

What I wanted to say, if you experienced any abuse or trauma, always seek help. There are things that we cannot solve by ourselves and we need help.