Hello,

I was just going through my old blog posts and I am soo proud and surprised about topics I wrote. Not gonna lie, the English in there is not great and some sentences for sure need updating, but in general… Nice.

I do like writing this blog and I keep not having a time, or something else is happening in my world that I can’t just keep up with everything. You should read my previous post; I’ve complained about adulthood too much. 😀

So, my update.

Personal.

Well, I am not comfortable of saying everything as there are things that are not very stable.

It’s been 4 years since I moved out from Lithuania to the United Kingdom. I did want to come to the UK, but never imagined I will stay here.

In those 4 years many things happened and I have changed. I did find it difficult to admit, tried making a YouTube video about it, but yeah… I am just not the same as before. Can’t say, if I am for a better or for worse, but definitely experienced more situations and dealt with things that I didn’t need to before. On top of that in those 4 years, I have moved across whole UK, from Leicester to Glasgow. 😀

I love Scotland. I won’t lie that I prefer Scotland.

Until now, I never had a job that I would stay for too long. Many reasons why, many temporary jobs too, but now I am working in a company for 1 year! I know how it sounds, but that is an achievement for me. 1 year! It’s not a job I want to do for the rest of my life, but can honestly say it’s the best job I have had so far. Of course all jobs have minuses and pluses. This one is not excluded. If you are actually interested, what I am working – Administrator in a Finance company. 😀 3 years of studies in Event Management, Master’s degree in Film Production and here we go in one of the lowest paying jobs that have nothing to do with my studies. And on top of that I have student’s loan for Master’s degree. I guess that makes it reasonable why I’m so negative. 😀 Feels like wasted time, you know? I could work as an admin in any company without qualification 😀 Yes, I am creative person and for me to find a job in creative industry seems like a headache. Tried though. Send CV’s, did creative stuff, but for some reason things are not moving anywhere…

The other day I thought about ending things. Like ending a relationship/friendship. Quitting a job or moving out. You see, I am a true believer now, that if things are easy to end, it means that it’s how it was supposed to be. Same with good things, if something easily and naturally comes over to you, it means that’s a faith. So, if ending something and beginning something new looks like a struggle, it means you must wait.

I know some people will think – but what if I am in a situation I don’t want to be? What if I am suffering?

I understand you. I lived for many years in fear for my own life and my mom’s. I was scared coming back home as there was danger waiting for me. I couldn’t do anything about it. I was hopeless. The trauma I have experienced is massive. You know what I did change in that situation? My mindset. I started thinking and wishing good things for the people who were literally traumatising me. I wished all the best I could for them. Why? Because I wanted them to be gone from my life. The only way for me to change something, was me wishing them to get best things in their life so they would decide to move out. See? Very tricky, but that made me positive. I forgave those people and started sending positive thoughts. You know what? They indeed moved out. They got better things.

And I am happy for this. It is difficult tho. How can you wish someone well, when they are hurting you? I don’t know, I was strong at that time, because I managed to do it.

So yeah same in my current situation that it feels like I am not happy, but nothing seems to end. I guess I need to come back to those positive thoughts and start wishing people well. 😀

Also, another thing, I have two degus! Pippy and Pete. It is 1 year since we bought them aaaaaand I love them. They helped me a lot. One of the things I have struggled in the UK is not having any pets. I grew up with gerbils and degus. Pets can make your life feel better. So yeah, I did want them and I cannot be happier. It’s not an easy task to have two degus. There were soooo many problems, but hey, managing it now.

What else?

I think I will definitely do top 10 moments of 2024. I want to. Or maybe what I learned? You know when I moved to the UK, I was sure that I have learned everything that I could. Oh boy, I was wrong. I started realising that whole life is a learning process. You never stop.

So, there are many negative things in my life and I do struggle. I am at this point, where I would just love to leave everything and travel around a world. But you need money for that, job and etc. I also have degus and I cannot give them away. Some people already told me just to give them to someone or bring them to Lithuania, but neither works out and I cannot put myself to give them up. I had once to give away a kitty I found on a street and I just made myself a promise, I won’t ever leave pets/animals again. At that moment I didn’t have a choice as I lived in my mom’s place, so she had a final word, but now – I just cannot and I do also love them. ❤

I don’t know, I don’t have much positive things to say, except from being financially stable and able to afford things I couldn’t before I was in my home country. Other than that, I am very unhappy. I do know that only I can change my life or perspective, but I think being in another country, with different culture and having responsibilities, makes it difficult. Each step needs to be carefully thought through.

For some reason, I thought, when I’ll grow up, life will just get better from there, but naahhh… Nothing changed being an adult, opposite, you just get more responsibilities. 😀 I think I got disappointed by becoming an adult.

I do know, that coming back to Lithuania, would definitely make things easier, not immediately, would take 1 or 2 years, but Lithuania is my comfort zone. We all know how good it can be in your comfort zone. However, we can only grow when we get out of our comfort zone. Seeing how my life changed throughout the years, experiences I’ve got, I can agree it makes you better.

One way I am also feeling like I am losing magic of a world. I always was interested in magical world, but being an adult, it’s impossible to have that. All is just worrying about things. Cleaning, cooking, ironing, laundry, thinking what to eat all the time, working! NO FUN. These responsibilities take away yourself and magic of this world. I guess that is why people love holidays. Truly, how can you not love them. As soon as you come home immediately – this needs to be done and etc. To be fair I don’t even like the time after holiday.. It feels.. Empty?

I didn’t realize how living in the UK made me negative. Max negative and seems I cannot get my head out of that negativity.

I guess each day all of us are fighting with our own problems and I do understand that being an adult is difficult mission. If someone has it easy, I would say they are lucky. Most of us are struggling without any understanding how we are supposed to live this through. I guess that is why so many adults make mistakes or become certain personalities.

So here is my mini update. If you live in any other country instead of your home one, I guess you can understand me better. For those who think living abroad is easier, I will tell you, it’s definitely not. It’s waaay easier to be where you grew up and where you know things.

Is it worth to move to another country? I cannot tell. Seems to me, that there is no straight answer. In my experience, I had many good things in Lithuania, but equally bad. Same here, I have many good things, but equally bad. In the end, is up to us to choose where we want to be and what we want to do.

And where do I want to be or what to do – I have no idea. 😀