Hello,

Hard times build hard thoughts.

Having a relationship is not easy…. After properly being in one, I realized that love is not something I expected to be.

First of all, before I start contemplating my thoughts, I want to share one video I saw on TikTok (yep using that now 😀 ) , where monk was talking that there is no relationship. No arrows between two people (as in giving and taking). There is only you and the love you have. You don’t give love and you don’t receive it. As he said – love is nothing but emotion.

When I was watching a video, I was confused as of what he means. But a bit of thinking and I realized. You know famous quote – “we accept the love we think we deserve“?

Well, here it is. We as humans expect the love to come from somewhere, right? Parents, friends, partner and etc. We want them to give love to us. But what is the problem? They expect the same. What is another problem? We all understand love differently. For me love can mean – caring for me and helping. For other love can be buying things as flowers, sweets and other things.

Unfortunately, we are the ones who can give love to ourselves. We are the ones, who know, what we love. Per say, if you love certain music genre, do you now expect the music to give something to you? No. You just love it. If you love certain movies, do you expect those movies to give something to you? Again no. You just enjoy it.

You see where I am going with this? Only ourselves can love ourselves. Nobody else can and nobody will. The most important part- is to love yourself!

Now what we have in relationships? We expect someone – totally different – to love us the way we want or we expect to be loved. Or more likely – how we love ourselves. It is not possible! Love comes within us, not from outside of us. I think that is why we see soooo many single people nowadays, being absolutely happy, because they love themselves and they do what they love! Of course it is super amazing to be single, when you love yourself and you know how to!

Problem is that people go to relationships expecting to get the love. Some don’t get it and they get disappointed. People put themselves in a trap. That is why, many people get stuck with narcissists as people think, that all things they do – means they love you. You think – wow, this person buying me flowers, buying me trips and etc, – that means they love you? No. Later on people say – oh person changed, they showed their real face. Of course, they trapped you with making your love emotion to be on top, instead of you thinking straight.

Look, you can buy yourself flowers, sweets, you can go yourself to cinema or to favourite restaurant. Just make sure you can afford it and hey! You don’t need somebody else to do it for you! You just do it for yourself! Because why? You love yourself. People expect others to love them, but excuse me, we are not capable of knowing how actually to love someone… We can only now how to love ourself.

What I learned, is basically, you should be looking for the person, who loves themselves, who can take care of themselves and not to expect you to do stuff for them.

When you are happy and you treat yourself good, nobody can put you down!

To do this is waaaay easier when you are single. Not sure how you should navigate this, if you have a partner. I guess main thing is inspire each other to love yourself more. So what I mean, is that you show an example how can love flourish, by doing your things. Partner is there for us, but we must remember, that them doing something for us, does not mean love!

Now where the famous quote comes in? If you don’t know how to love yourself, you attract people who doesn’t love themselves either.

Okay, when it comes to relationships and let’s say expectations with loyalty, communication, honesty, respect and etc, first of all you need to be like that. You need to be loyal, communicative, honest, respectful and etc. I know! Sometimes it happens that you think you had all that, but something changes and you know what I will say?

Another TikTok video I have seen, women said – if they cheat – it is not on me, it is not because of me and all about the person who did cheat. As she said, she wants to be loyal, because this is her value. This is how she values/loves herself. Betraying somebody else, only means you betrayed yourself as it means you are not loyal. And if you had a value – I am loyal, you would have not done that.

I know, difficult to understand, but when you start thinking about it, makes so much sense!

Same if your partner is angry or defensive, trust me, has nothing to do with you! It is their emotions and their reactions, that is something that triggers them and you may never be able to understand why. Same if someone makes you angry in relationship – here is your sign to look at yourself and analyse- why it made you feel like that?

Relationship is reflection of us and our childhood. While being in relationship myself I realized how many things comes up from the childhood, specifically, how parents treat you and etc.

Listen, our lives are already difficult. Seriously, since I became an adult, the problems just DON’T STOP….. So, please, let’s give ourselves the love. Love ourselves, improve ourselves and realize – that is all that matters! As long as we can take care of ourselves, there is no better love you can receive. The only love you can receive is the love you give to yourself! NOT SOMEBODY ELSE.

Again, loving somebody the way you think is correct way, maybe totally unacceptable for them! That is unfortunately how it is.

Most important part – relationship is a business deal. Make sure you make a good deal. If deal is not good, you can always leave. Yes, it might be difficult and not great emotionally, but not all businesses meant to survive.

So, go and love yourself! Make sure you are happy. 🙂