Hello, how are you?

I am going through difficult time. Basically, some of you may not know that I am from Lithuania and in 2020 I came to UK. I came to study but then I met my boyfriend and I stayed.

Not gonna lie, I went through a lot while being in Lithuania, I even reached the black bottom at some point where my actions could have had no turning point..

And here I am in UK going through things and losing myself. My life is whole change, but I never had such a trouble to be myself and stay they way I was always back in the past. I am not saying, we all change, it is something you cannot avoid. But there is always real you inside. Real you who has passions, who wants to do certain things.

Me losing myself caused mainly because of where I am.. Being in another country is so damn devastating and nobody talks about it. You literally need to build everything yourself and you need to stay yourself which is 1000 times more complicated than in your native country.

Reason is simple. Native country is safe, comfortable, you have things that can support you and help you. Let’s say I had many things I created in Lithuania for myself, I did my own creations, I went to choir, I went to concerts or events. If something was wrong in my life I had my safe zones. I had things that would remind me of who I am and what I am capable of. Unfortunately, it is not same in UK. I do not have those places, I do not have time for my own creations, I do not have time or opportunity to do what I want.

I keep fighting. I keep coming back to myself. I lose myself, then go back and again. My confidence is up, next day my confidence is gone. I feel like I am reaching something, next day I feel like I cannot do anything. It is so tiring. I keep listening to meditating music, I keep walking in the park, but those things help for few hours and then I need to go to reality.

So, how do you get back to yourself?

Probably, the best answer is to seek what you actually want. Even if that means you need to do things out of your comfort zone, if you need to go somewhere you don’t know, or take many risks. If that is something you are after, it is worth it. Would you feel better being where you are without doing things that make you enthusiastic and energetic but are uncomfortable? Or do you want to take risks and get to where you actually should be? So many people give up on their dreams because of a comfortable position or lifestyle.

Of course it depends on what you want. If you are where you want to be and you feel in the comfort zone – that is great! If not – you know what to do.

Another good way of getting yourself back is writing down. Write down everything what you are feeling, write down what are your current values, write down what are your goals. Remind yourself what person you were before. If you changed, do you like the changes? Maybe something is not going the way you wanted or imagined? If you have a diary, would be great if you read that. I write diaries since I was 6 years old. It always is good practice to read my own thoughts, see what changed and remind myself what person I am.

I took out my one of the diaries I have here in UK. I wrote this post in 2020 5th of February. I wrote:

The most valuable thing we can gift to somebody and they can give to us is TIME. Time costs the most for each of us and we spend most of our time with somebody. We not gonna need material things, they don’t bring any value to our personality. Time, memories, spiritual development and awarness – these things grow us and makes us to be a better human being.

Remember, that losing yourself is temporary. You will get back. We go through times where we need to get lost. So we would come back stronger, better and more confident. ❤

xxx Egle