Happy 2021!

I don’t know about you but for the New Years I always make some kind of goals which I would like to do. At least three goals. In the end of the year I do a review. Always make pluses and minuses. It is interesting to compare.

Sometimes I read my old posts and I understood that my writing style have changed. Themes of the posts have changed. Maybe I wanted this change but I didn’t imagine it will be so distinct. I am kind of happy because we all need to go forward but now my posts are cold.. Same as others. Before that I would write about my experiences but now I start the theme and say my opinion. I don’t know, opinions are really subjective.. Of course, same as experience but still. I decided not to share some things and went silent about stuff that is happening in my world.
BUT
I’ve changed my mind. I want to share at least some 2020 pluses and minuses. We need to say goodbye to Corona and that spinning wheel. It is time for everything to get better. So yeah, pluses and minuses. I would recommend to do these kind of things to everybody. Or just make a review how your personality changed through years, what you achieved. For me, it motivates me. We all are going forward just in different speed.

+One of the biggest achievement this year is that I got in England university to study postgraduate. I had this wish since my teenage years. I never thought that I will study postgraduate though, these studies were on my mind but I didn’t know where and what. I am thinking about PhD too, but we will see. So, yes, this achievement is the biggest and the most pleasant plus. Honestly, my life changed completely. But about my adventures – next time. Just remember, all wishes comes to truth, just ones sooner, others later.

–What happened unexpected is ending of a friendship with a close friend. Even pandemic wasn’t that much of the shock as this fact. I don’t even know anymore what to expect from people but it is obvious they are always surprising. There is no point to trust and believe because everybody leaves. I don’t get what I am doing wrong that it keeps happening. Also, I can’t understand why people hurt you, leaves you and after some time wants to comeback… What is done is done. Move on. But maybe I am trying to understand what I don’t need to. But I always overthink why it happened, what I could do better etc. I read somewhere that when you start to growth spiritually friendships starts to end. Because your mind, perception to the things and energy lifts up. Perhaps that is what happening to me, especially recently I have started to be more interested in spiritual things, religion, occultism and etc.

+This one is a big plus too. Recently I read my old post about love. What love is, how to find it. My perception about love was already right, but when I was writing that post, I thought my true love was other guy which actually wasn’t person I would like to spend the rest of my life. It was like between hell and heaven with him. Constant challenge. I believed it was my significant other. But relationships, healthy ones, shouldn’t be a challenge. It has to be a safe place where you can reach out for help. It mustn’t be a task which you need to solve.
Before I left Lithuania I told to everybody that I don’t want any relationships. My attention is only for a career. Also, I almost made a mistake before I left.. But we all do mistakes.
Truth is that I almost gave hopes for a person who I understand now is not my life love either. Maybe not hopes, but more like say for that person that I think I feel something more… I just thought that I know person for a quite long time so it is kind of safe and solid to love. It is easy to think that you could be with other person something more, but actually you don’t need to hurry…. Life stopped me from making that mistake. Honestly, I don’t even know what I wanted from those relationships, I wasn’t thinking straight probably..
Finally, I wasn’t expecting, I didn’t even want it, but love came to my life. And it is completely different from everything I have experienced. There is no pink glasses, there is no stupid thinking that you want to change a person, you don’t think about the time when the person will change. There is just a simple and honest wish to be with the person the way he already is. And go through life together. Despite that I don’t feel lifted up to the skies I don’t feel this kind of feeling when you fell in love, I feel something else and it is a peace. A peace when you are with person and you don’t need to worry about what possibly bad could happen. Love is equal to peace or calmness. When you are not too happy or too disappointed. Just perfect balance. We all like to categorize people, we make lists why we love people or why we hate them, but why we need a reason to love?

Relationships are not easy thing yeah, you need to put a lot effort and faith. But it should be a calmness port, not a war front. Do you really want to go home and feel a stranger to each other? Because home are there where you can find a peace, when you can be yourself. Person which you choose to spend the rest of your life will have influence on your psychical and mental health, on your wishes and goals. You need to chose really carefully what person you want by your side. What is important – not to want to change person, but change with him together.

–Second minus is immaturity of people. I am the person who can tolerate a lot of things. But in 2020 my patience ended. I have decided not to tolerate other people immature behavior because it is too good for them. That immaturity appears time to time in different places with different people. I worked temporary as assistant in one company. Mostly colleagues were 30+ years old and a few 26-27. For me it is not a problem, I had colleagues who were 50 and more years old and I could work normally with them. I have also many friends who age is like from 26 till 30, so I was happy that my colleagues were similar age. How wrong I was… I didn’t thought that people can be so immature.
I don’t exactly remember the timeline of events but when I came to work (for a bit more than a month) group colleagues immediately looked at me from the high. Not all, but from 4 – 3 definitely. I was asking a lot questions if I am doing right and one time girl came and she was like- look, here there is information you need, what you don’t get? Well, it is normal to not understand things when you never worked before with this company and this kind of information. And there were no training.. I had responsibility to do things right in order for them have efficient work in the future.. So I would better ask 1000 times than do wrong and leave it like that. But anyway…
When I worked there, they had to employ new colleague again for a long term job. I don’t have an idea where did they got her photo from or info about her, usually whenever you go to work for the first time, people don’t know anything about you.. For some reason they knew and gossiped about her. They did not say anything bad but like those two girls started to suggest her as possible mate for other two men. One of them said that he doesn’t want her because she is older. And other girl said harshly – oh what, you want younger and more stupid?
I was sitting there and like – wow… They knew that I am 22 years old and to say this kind of thing behind me was really unethical. Of course, then I heard like other men told to one who didn’t want older that he is going to ask her for lunch and he shouldn’t do that… Something like that. From that moment I understood that I don’t want to communicate with any of them… Personally for me, this kind of gossiping is low level. Gossip, compare, try to seduce new person when he is not even here… But new colleague was cool. I liked her. After that, one girl after sickness came back to work. Her first question for me was how old I am, because everybody told her that I am really young….
I was sitting and thinking in what group chat they were gossiping about me because this was her first day after sickness and I was the first person to come to work after her.. She didn’t knew me, but information that I am really young, somehow got her. She communicated with me normally and she couldn’t understand why I am too young for others as she expected me to be 18….
In other way maybe it is quite fun that other people think about you even if they haven’t met you….
So yeah, I communicated with that new colleague and the women who came back from illness. After Corona happened with that one younger men because we were only two in the office so I had to speak. But when we worked all together I just went quiet, didn’t ask any questions anymore.. It was difficult to be silent for all day as I am really communicative person but with these people I didn’t have anything in common.
To divide people because of their age isn’t nice and isn’t right. Not an age says about personality, but his character, environment, where he grew up, experiences etc. Human could be 30 years old don’t have any education and have successful life, while other could be 30 years old have PhD and don’t have successful life… AND WHAT??
Maybe it’s just me who don’t understand but obviously age doesn’t say anything about people maturity.

So here you go… A few things, but overall 2020 gave me a lot of good things, personally I had successful, good and easy year comparing to other years. New experiences, unseen things, so much risk but everything for a better.

What I learned in 2020 – bravely reach for the things you want. Sometimes you need to risk. We want things but usually we are afraid. I was afraid to go from the comfort zone, to change everything, but I wanted it. And my wish was stronger than my fear. So, if you want – you can do anything. 😉