So, I really get inspired from TV-series- Supernatural. Actually it’s really mature and strong TV-show. This time it touched me again. First of all, relationships. We all have so many relationships. Between friends, lover, family, colleagues and etc. But I want to talk about friendship. One thing which I understood with my one of the closest, at that time – best friend, that secrets ruins relationships. If you don’t say what you want, keep secrets it means you think you are doing right for the other person even though it might not be the truth. Sometimes what we think is right for us can be wrong for the other person. And that’s my problem cause I tend to think I’m always right and I always try to do better things for my close people. I always do something for the better but sometimes problem is that other person doesn’t think the same.

Next thought which had influence on me is: “There are things you can forgive, and there are things you can’t”. I’ve noticed that my patience is sooo big because I let people to use me. Until I understand that its enough. One question came to my mind. When we reach that limit where we understand that its enough? Enough to forgive and enough to trust. I know, we must to let go the anger and forgive people, I’m trying to do that. But you will agree with me that some things or behavior you can’t forget. So, if you can’t forget it means you can’t forgive? With all the respect to my close people, but I think you mustn’t tolerate some behaviors. I have experienced a lot negative things and people made stupid stuff for me and I can’t forgive. Even though I know why they did this and I know their motives. But I can’t justify them anymore. It is too good to justify. People do shitty things and they should perceive that but not justify themselves. Earlier I always thought that person acts like this because he had a rough past, I have to be empathetic. Bullshit. We can’t let anyone to ruin our life or let others to depreciate us. It is not our problem if other can’t deal with his past. That is why I’m trying to work with myself, with my behavior. And my goal is don’t let the past influence my present days. And that is difficult. So, balance and control is what we need.

People often avoid anger and saying their opinion just because they want to avoid reality. I think if you can’t get angry something is wrong with you or you just keep everything only in your mind. Because we all get angry sometimes. Well, maybe monks can live without negative emotions and still they have them. But doesn’t matter which emotion you are avoiding this is imbalance. We are humans and want it or not we have to deal with emotions. We are not an animals.

And last thought in those series made me cry – “You roll with a guy so many years, you start to think he’s always gonna be next to you. Like, when you’re old and you’re drinking on the porch, he’ll be in that other rocking chair. And then something happens, and you realize that other chair has gone empty”. It caught me because once I had a best friend with whom we wished for these kind of things. But something happened and it changed. It’s so sad. Especially its sad when you know it will never be the same with exact person and everything happened because other person can’t deal with their past. And that is the reason why friendship went down. It hurts when you imagine the life in one way but happens completely opposite things. And sometimes those people who where so close to you becomes the farthest. It also hurts when you understand that there will be no same friendship. Ever. Because you will never find the same person again. Ever.

It sounds depressingly, I know, but I want to say that life is not only beautiful with flowers. Life can get hurtful, nasty and bloody. Life forces us to think. Life forces to find a balance.

So, what is a friendship?

Maybe a balance? While you go with that person through the war and peace together. We all have beautiful and bad moments. But that is how we know that friend is a real friend. I think its important to understand that both persons have to make efforts. Because while only one tries to make a friendship better it is doomed. All relationships that goes one side is meant to be doomed.