Hey, so I noticed that love theme on my blog haven‘t been touched yet.

Of course a lot of themes I haven‘t touched.

Anyway, love theme is now really important for me. That means I have to make my mind – to accept it or not.

Today I‘m not talking about love for universe, nature, animals or friends.

Love for your true love.

I‘m not the only one who always thought how real love should look like. What personality I would like the most… I remember we even wrote lists for characteristics with my friends. But those lists changed a lot.

I think it is so difficult to find that person with whom you could live the rest of your life… Everything comes in and goes away, but your love of the life and longing stays near forever.

I understood that firstly you should know what love is. As you may know we can find descriptions or even signs what is happening when we are in love. But sometimes everything seems so delusive. I have made a lot of mistakes as I believed that particular person is my true love. And that is how you get disappointed with love. You start to think that there is no love for you.

I know that my life can‘t be simple, so I always felt that my relationships will be chaotic, complicated and hurtful. And I‘m right. I always choose difficult and artistic people. Simply because this is who am I. With a bunch of people we talked about love. It was interesting to imagine how you can build foundation for relationships and what exciting job is that if you know you found your true love.

Really often I asked – How you can know that you found that person?

All the time I get the same answer – you will feel that.

By the way, those people already changed their „true love“.

Well, love is not that simple as you may think. Every person has to do effort and build relationships if they want it to become love. You will agree that saying – I like you and I love you is dissimilar things.

In 2018 I had a goal – to find my second half of soul. It‘s just was – enough to be disappointed… I didn’t want to be alone anymore as I knew – I‘m ready to suffer difficulties and happy moments with my true love.

And I would say my goal started to become the truth… I found guys which potentially could have big influence in my life than others boys – friends.

Also, I remember one phrase that I think is nonsense – you will find your true love when you expect nothing. In my opinion you always expect nothing. (except those moments when you go to the bar or club)

I know that love means – trust, honesty, building some things together, motivation, really bad and really beautiful moments. If this is true love, it doesn’t mean bad things can‘t happen. Everywhere and everyone needs growing. Only love can help fight with bad situations and comprehension has to be in every relationships.

Well, but I was afraid of relationships. Yeah. I didn’t want to hurt somebody or to stay hurt by someone else. Now I understood, that if you are not trying, you can‘t even imagine that feeling. If you hide in your shell, you can miss so many magical moments. For example, feeling like you and that person are the one. Merging energies with that person and knowing that you don‘t need anything more.  That rare feeling – you want it never to end… But life is life. Everyday we have some strange adventures. Everyday we have challenges which we need to overcome. And love don‘t disturb us. Everything is possible.

Search for your second half of soul was really intimate thing for me. But suddenly and unexpected I felt something and I even had clear signs that relationship I’ve made with one guy was real. I just didn’t think I will get scared. So, when I understood that I feel something different than usual, I saw that something is going on for real, I got really scared… Well, I couldn’t believe and I’ve started to search only for bad things, I thought something happening what I don‘t know, someone is fooling me… So, we actually see things we want to see…. What was important for me – to run away. Run away from my feelings, from my beautiful moments which I thought I‘m not worth. Surprisingly, I thought that I deserve better person, easier relationships and more clarity.

I don‘t have any idea where that fear came from. Maybe from the past experiences. But this fear is not rational. Eventually, my heart and brains become angry with each other… Both were screaming absolutely different things. Well, everyone says that in love cases you need to trust your heart. But sadly, my brains won.

Ego came to me saying – you have to look for yourself, recall your past, you will get hurt. Doesn’t matter what other have experienced, this is not your fault. Ego said – heart always feel but she is not certain about those feelings. You have to reach for goals as in love you will reach and other person goals.

My heart was silenced. She was injected with ice and when good opportunity happen it was destroyed into the many pieces.

As you may now pieces can not become one again.

Same I destroyed foundation for my relationships. I’ve lost meaning and feelings. They’ve just disappeared.

After that I thought – it is just easier not to love. It is easier to do nothing.

But there is no easy career, easy studies or light experiences. Everything what is reached easy – is temporary.

That is why love is forever. Because it is heavy. Love demands understanding, effort, clearness and consciousness..

I say – love and you will be loved. Ask and you will get the answers. Search and you will find everything.

But NO ONE said – it will be easy…. ❤